i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
