Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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