Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sober January is a disaster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
