yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
