I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
and you fell through a lawn chair
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
