pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
