Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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