When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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