About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
