i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
