Don't you send me to vm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
