Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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