just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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