none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
