my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
