Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
