Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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