I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
and you fell through a lawn chair
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
