yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
