party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
