Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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