So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You smell like stripper and shame
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
