Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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