this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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