We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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