Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
