I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
