My underwear smells like fireworks.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
