i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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