Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
