he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
