Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
