Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
