I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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