he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
