I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
