i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
