every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
