Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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