Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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