gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
