so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
