Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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