i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
