she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
