After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize