I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
Thatâs true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Youâd probably be happy to know that I think Iâve mastered the skill of knowing âmy typeâ and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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