I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
