Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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