i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
