I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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