If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
