32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
