youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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