I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
