Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bring me that man meat
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
