Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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