Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
