Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize