addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
