i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
