Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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