i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
