Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
