So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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