People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
