why didn't you poke me back
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
