yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
