I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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